adjective
a: exceeding the limits of reason or necessity
b: lacking in moderation, balance, and restraint
c: extremely or excessively elaborate
my favorite is b. it may sound like a bad thing at first, but quite on the contrary, i am quite thankful that God's love is lacking in moderation, balance, and restraint. but then i look at the other definitions, and they are really great too. as a logical person, thinking of and attempting to analyze the love my God has for me is almost impossible because it exceeds the limits of reason and necessity. my God's love covers everything - it is extremely and excessively elaborate.
so how do you respond to a God like that? how am i to go about loving my God back when He is beyond my capacity?
__________________________
i'm on a journey. and it's thrilling.
it has an outline, but it's unplanned. it is scary, but quite compelling.
it is an intoxicating, unavoidable, powerful, electrifying, nerve-racking adventure.
the best part is that i don't foresee it ever ending.
i am in a love affair and i wish to never stop exploring the infinite depth of who He is.
He reels me in time after time and i'm captivated by Him. He is in a new light - He is a new light - a different light - that i did not see before. i was captured by "i love you forever", and better yet, i let Him capture me. He knows my junk and how i fall short, but He finds such beauty in it! and i am slowly beginning to see it too. i've chosen to be completely bare before Him in mind, spirit, and body. it is liberating.
what's the next step?
how am i supposed to respond to this love that exceeds the the limits of reason and is beyond my own capacity to ever understand?
I will enter into his presence and give Him everything I have. I will declare with my life that He is my Lord and I am his child.
____________________
I wrote those last two sections over a year ago and never published them. I wonder now where that spark went.
you know what i'm talking about.
that kinda crazy, sheer excitement over a heart being transformed and just bursting with life. what's even more crazy is that - well, i'm a religion major now. why did i become a religion major? because that spark in my heart took me there, but i've become all consumed by knowing the right answer in my head. looking back on the past year - though some of the most amazing things have happened - i think i've been a zombie. the intellect of my head has slowly dissipated the joy of my heart.
this really isn't for anyone to read i suppose, though i am going to publish this one.
i know what i'm supposed to do to fix this - i have the right answers, remember?
however, something is lacking, rather, something is holding me back from just jumping into the lake. it seems that i'm just dipping my feet in to test the mirky waters. its hot and i know the water will feel better, but the unknown is a paralyzing fear.
will the jump really be worth it? or is taking the heat gonna do it for me?
...it hasn't so far.
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